Your experience and anxiety disorder reminded me of two books that I’ve read a while ago.
In Green’s book, the young protagonist, Aza, suffers from very similar mental health issues like the ones you’ve described. I’d recommend it because I think, you could relate (although, fair warning, it’s far from Green’s best novels like Looking for Alaska).
This novel has little to do with mental illness, and it’s about a tiny girl, who lives in rural America with her White-trash parents. One day, she meets a rough, odd-looking giant who crashes his bike. She helps him. From that point, they develop a truly special bond and relationship.
The reason you made me think about this book is your title. However, I don’t want to give away any spoiler because this novel has been the best book I’ve read last year, and you should discover it on your own.
I hope this helps, be strong, and take care of yourself, Marina!
Thank you for sharing!