First of all, congrats on getting accepted by Better Humans. That’s a pretty significant achievement.
Secondly, I can relate to this big time. I only started writing in English about 6 months ago, and while it’s difficult and frightening sometimes, it has one huge benefit. Most of my friends and parents can’t read what I write. Well, thanks to technology my dad found the “translate” option on his phone lately, so I’m not that safe anymore. (Dad, if you read this, I’m just umm… joking, you know.) So, I empathize with you on this matter, and sometimes I want them to read what I write, too.
Thankfully, I have an amazing relationship with both of my parents (they are divorced), and I share almost everything with them. Some people don’t like that, some are jealous of it, but I walked a long way to get to this point in my life, so I say screw those people who don’t like it.
“How is that not nerve-wracking?”
To answer your question, I share the experience that worked for me. I wasn’t a family orientated kid after my parents’ divorce. I was the opposite. So, many times I had to explain to friends, strangers, or professionals what’s my family situation has been like. I got to a point when I told those same stories so many times that I learned to differentiate myself from them emotionally. I told them like a daily story you share with your friends. Same with my breakups, work-situation, religion, or any kind of taboo stuff that came up.
I’m open about a lot of stuff. And there’s that part of me that’s still trying to understand certain feelings, emotions, memories, etc. Sometimes I do that through writing, sometimes through talking with someone face to face. Both help, but the points is that I’m not afraid to express them anymore.
I must add, I moved to a different country 7 years ago, I learned a second language, and started over my life without knowing anyone. As scary as that sounds, it’s also a liberating feeling that helps you understand who you were, and that you can become someone else if you want to. Not completely, some things are just rooted in you too deep, but I realized, I can start over. I can become a better or different person. I don’t need to be crippled by my previous “life”, the 23 years that I spent in another country growing up. Not many people understand that. Most of them don’t want to change or be different or take a second chance on becoming a different — maybe better — person.
Anyway. I just wanted to let you know that there are people like you, who can relate to what you feel and write. You write well, by the way. Eventually, you’ll get there to write under your real name if that’s what you want. But until then, it’s perfectly fine to use a pen name. It gives you creative and personal freedom, and that’s essential when you write personal essays.
Keep going, and thanks for sharing!
